My husband Jeff and I bought a pram and a cot before it ever occurred to us that we might not even need them, and before we knew we were to become "attachment parents".  While pregnant with my first child, I stumbled upon a book called, "101 Ways to Raise a Happy Baby," by Lisa McCourt, that recommended ditching the pram for slings and front packs and co-sleeping instead of buying a cot.  The idea of keeping our newborn as physically close as possible was appealing and just made sense to my husband and me.

The curious term "attachment parenting" (AP) came up several times in the bibliography of McCourt"s book (it sounded like we needed a very big piece of Velcro).  I got on the internet and happened upon the Attachment Parenting International (API) website.  There I became familiar with attachment parenting ideals and realized that, though I wasn"t to be a 100% AP mother, I was unmistakeably AP-oriented.

There are many "obstacles" to overcome in choosing to parent in a way that does not fit with the norm, especially in a country where a ubiquitous and widely-respected, free health and support service is offered and provides uniform information to mothers; some of which is useful, while some of which runs contrary to attachment parenting ideals.  Aside from that, at the outset I had to ignore some midwives at the hospital who were rather insistent that I put down my newborn in order to get some sleep; walk disappointedly away from my GP whose only advice on how to get back to sleep after my daughter"s frequent night wake-ups was to put her in a different room and let her fend for herself so I could get some uninterrupted slumber, ear plugs in place; and bite my tongue when other tired mothers described how the cry-it-out method was "the hardest thing they"d ever done" but had worked.

Desiring the support of like-minded parents, and seeing the general need for the availability of other parenting options, I sought and received approval last year from Attachment Parenting International headquarters to become a group leader of the first officially sanctioned API support group in New Zealand. Our first meeting was in March of this year.  We are just getting off the ground, but it is clear there is interest and enthusiasm on the part of attendees, and the enquiries continue to roll in.

I still wonder what would have happened if I hadn"t picked up that book!  I"d like to think my intuition would have steered me in a similar direction.  In any case, I"m parenting in the way I would have wanted my parents to care for me, and Jeff and I know in our hearts we are doing what"s best for our family.  Oh, and about that cot and pram - as McCourt suggests, the cot made a nice side-bed and now serves as a toy storage bin; the new pram sits in a closet, still unused.

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Morning API meetings are held on a rotating basis at people"s homes on the 3^rd Wednesday of each month. At these meetings we discuss the eight AP ideals for infants, which include: preparing for childbirth; being emotionally responsive; breastfeeding; sharing sleep; avoiding frequent and prolonged separations; using positive discipline; and maintaining balance in family life. 

We also discuss the eight AP ideals for school-age children: staying emotionally responsive; being present and available for your child; maintaining a high-touch relationship; becoming knowledgeable about your child"s development and cognitive levels; developing and maintaining positive sleep routines; striving for optimum physical health; using positive discipline; and maintaining balance in your family life. 

Call Tamara on 04 977 5955 or email apiwellington@paradise.net.nz

for more details.

Tamara Parnay